Living Purgatorially

Grrrrrr! It's been a couple of weeks now and I'm still awaiting the outcome of my work based "Internet indiscretions".

I'm not a happy bunny about this. I want this sorry, laughable procedure out of the way so that I can crack on with my life as it should be. I don't expect to get the bullet for this episode and am most probably looking at, a written warning at worst. Still, there's a honeymoon to be booked and I want to know that I can pay for it without the worry of whether household bills will be terrifyingly significant or not.

What's really sticking in my craw is the fact that I even remotely care about it at all. When I get to the very heart of it, I hate my job and perhaps being released would be a blessed relief. The sad truth of it all is that due to my rather poor academic record and general all round underachieveriness I don't actually feel worthy of much else beyond the realms of bottom rung clerical gubbins.

I often wish I could tap into that one thing, that special talent I may posses that might set me apart from the rest of the crowd and deliver unto me a job or career worth doing. It is easy to get swept away by all the petty problems that swamp the everyday mundanity of office life, but I know that in reality it all means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. I am just wasting precious moments of my life drowning in a bureaucratical ocean of pontificational pointlessness. People "talk the talk" (management speak) and I just want to throw up... on them.

The worst part is, for lack of any imagination on my part, I have attempted to drag myself up a rung or two on this turgid career ladder. To the extent of which, I am part of this year's Development Scheme. And, despite my current situation at work, I decided against throwing in the towel and have persevered, so much so that I have spent much of the past week working on one of the projects for the scheme.

This has really pissed me off. Feeling as though I have precious few options in the job market beyond the realms "paper shuffler extraordinaire" I find my own personal time being consumed on a project to help me go further in a job I don't actually even like. Where did it all go wrong? Probably in my haste to leave my education behind me... sigh...

...I am sorry, my thoughts about blog as catharsis are generally "Don't do it" but this is not the "Showbiz Blog" (Which, ironically and frustratingly, I have had a number of ideas for during the time spent on the works project) and I just needed to string a few of these thoughts together.