I Should've Known...

... I'd never be able to keep this blog a day nonsense up. Not that much happened yesterday anyway. I took back control of the weekly shop. Saving pennies and ensuring we weren't left scratching our heads wondering what the hell we were going to have to eat. The missus always seems to make a good job of having enough for two meals and then there's nowt for the rest of the week.

We took Olivia and her friends out yesterday afternoon to feed the ducks. On our way to Morpeth, it did indeed seem like nice weather for ducks. Luckily it held off and we remained perfectly dry for the duration. I made a rather tasty lamb hotpot for dinner and then before hitting the hay last night, I cobbled together a mean spicy tomato pasta sauce.

Today, for the first time in what seemed like an age, I cycled into work again and by the time I got there, I was well aware of the two or three week gap in my cycling schedule and suffered quite badly at the seemingly steepest hill in the area and I did it all with a gammy toe...

... yes, perhaps a blog a day is only ever gonna be a yawn fest eh?

For The Love of Waffle

Foolishly I agreed to work overtime today, 9am - 1pm. It had already been a long enough week without adding to it, but how else am I gonna bank roll the child's seemingly continuous attendance at Birthday parties?

Truth be told, it wasn't all bad. In fact it was better than going to work on a normal day. No stress related phone calls from unrelenting morons, no goon-like colleagues to put up with, double time and best of all; I got to tackle the work whilst listening to the radio.

Long ago, in the days B.C. (before child) I used to regularly enjoy listening to the radio on a Saturday morning whilst happily going about the household chores, unhindered by requests to do this or come and play with... such and such.

I tend to enjoy the banter of radio DJs that speak to me on my level and appeal to my sense of humour. Therefore Jonathan Ross has always been a staple feature of my radio diet. Today I took along my DAB radio to listen to Adam and Joe on 6 Music, having recently become addicted to various BBC podcasts. Everything was going swimmingly until Donna came down to join us from reception "What's this crap you're listening to?" she demanded to know (presumably not caring to know the answer) "Don't you listen to anything decent, like Galaxy?".

I chose not to rise to this and to save having to listen to either her complaining or dreadful dance/"R&B" tunes we compromised and selected a slightly less torturous commercial station to listen to. "I can't stand listening to all that waffling on" she said "I just want to listen to the tunes". "That's funny, 'cause I can't stand to listen to an endless stream of poxy adverts" I retorted petulantly.

I came to realise that by downloading the podcasts, I'm actively seeking out "the waffle" mind you; a bit of witty, senseless banter is always more likely to help me of to the land of nod than any old trancey dance shite.

I don't know, the youth of today...

An Interference?

Pfoooffff! That was a close one! 9.55pm and I almost forgot to adhere to my post a day, self imposed blogligation.

Well it's Friday (thank Crunchie, or just Cadbury's in general) and it has seemed like a long hard slog of a week. This is most probably down to the fact that I had two short weeks brought about by the advent of early Easter, followed by a week in which I only actually entered my work's office for one day before spending the remainder largely at a beer festival (I really must finish that blog).

Today, work provided another shining opportunity to subject myself to yet more toil and dejection in the pursuit of careerist advancement. This time, I shall be throwing my proverbial hat into the proverbial "Future Leaders Scheme" er... ring.

So it's back to the drawing board and filling out more forms for me then. This may interfere with web time and my regular posting, as it has done in the past, but I'm gonna try to keep this blog going. Indeed, the 200 word discipline may even come in handy as much of the form I have to complete requires 250 max words per example.

As it turns out I'm gonna need an extra fifty to finish this bad boy... Now where's my works spiel lexicon list gone?

Motivated, Tenacious, Strong personal commitment, Capacity to succeed, Strong leadership qualities... er, er... gi's a job! that kinda schlock.

Surely that should see me right? Right?

An Hairxperiment

Bless my greasy heed! Seven days in and still not the faintest drop of shampoo has touched my scalp. What’s that? “Scruff!” I hear you cry? Well that’s as well as may be and you’re entitled to your opinions, but I reserve the right to conduct hairxperiments under my own steam.

I’m sure you’ve heard that your hair can wash itself. I recently heard an enthusiastic strumpet ruminating on the merits of (self washing hair) on the radio. This plucked at my intrigue glands, being an armchair eco-warrior I figured I could enjoy saving the planet whilst simultaneously neglecting my follicles.

Last Thursday I purposely had my barnet sharpened. I figured that the shorter my hair, the less conspicuous my lank locks would appear. So far this has proved successful. Currently my hair looks like it has simply been adorned with hair slap. I suspect eventually, I may begin lying to people and stating that I’ve started using Brylcreem as a means to excuse the greasiness of my bonce.

I must now try to hold my resolve and not wash it for a further 35 days to see the results. Hopefully I will avoid attracting a small swarm of flies.

Scaling New Weights

Thrilling household news! We’ve only gone and purchased a new set of baarfroom scales ain’t we? Well, it’s thrilling to me at any rate… alright, maybe thrilling’s not the word… I’m buggered if I know what the word is. It’s probably more like two words… Mildly pleased. Yes, that’ll do, I’m mildly please to be the proud owner of a new set of bathroom scales.

We were forced into this latest acquisition as the old scale was a habitual liar. Of course this (quite literally) swung both ways, as it would on an almost daily basis, fluctuate its dial readings by up to half a stone either way. Obviously the weighty oscillations became too much for us to bear, exuberant jubilation one day, inconsolable desolation the next.

Whilst bought for better accuracy, the scales have also been purchased as a motivational tool to help the missus shed some of her heft. Having recently had problems with a slipped disc she was advised that losing some excess would prove to be great help, plus she has a 10km sponsored run to do sometime in June.

Whether they’ll make any real difference, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Aye, Google?

Despite its having been around for apparently three years or so, I’ve only just stumbled upon i-Google. Exactly how I’ve managed to miss this particular Internet innovation for so long is beyond me. I recall opening my gmail account simply to escape the daily spam deluge hitting my old e-mail account. This in turn led me to Blogger and eventually a whole plethora of other Google based paraphernalia.

When I think about Google’s global ubiquity and their apparent stranglehold on all things Internet, I feel I should do with a shudder, but I can’t seem to help myself, like a web browsing junkie looking for his next fix.

Still, I really must doff my cap in their general direction for i-Google. Over the past few year’s I appear to have hermetically sealed myself within the walls of social networking sites, rarely popping my head above the parapet to see what’s going on out there in the real world.

Now I’ve got a new, shiny, customisable homepage, chock full of technical trinkets and web-wise wonderments. Best of all is the ability to be updated with links to my most favourite external webshites and blogs.

Thanks Google for freeing me from the tyranny of networking socially!

Aches, Pains and Misery...

Well today, I feel like a total, physical wreck. This is due to a culmination of things. A spell of terrible sleeping, a bad back, and sore knee and to boot it all off, the weather is fucking terrible (This does nothing for my S.A.D.).

The sore back is undoubtedly related to my resurgence in all things Interwebberly. I haven’t sat at the PC for such prolonged periods of time in an absolute age. This, coupled to the fact that my PC set up is ergonomically shit doesn’t help much. The sooner I invest in a laptop the better.

As for the knee, I damaged it on Friday… prior to even leaving the house, never mind having a drink! I managed to bray it solidly on the frame of the bathroom door. Quite how I did this I am still yet to fathom. All I can recall is an immediate pang, a bright flash of light, some knee clasping and hopping and a torrent of profanity. I managed to make it to my bed and spent a good ten minutes curled in the foetal position whimpering.

At the very least I can always hope the weather will improve…

Catching Up With Myself

Well, not even a week in and already I've fallen by the wayside in relation to The Premise.

In my defence, this was potentially one of the worst weeks I could've decided to put this into effect. I've had an unprecedentedly busy week by my own usually meagre standards. A golden wedding anniversary party, two days at a training course, two separate attendances at a beer festival and an Elbow gig all within seven apparently very short days.

With this in mind, I have decided not to beat myself up about not posting something each day. Although I do wish blogger had the facility to pre-date your blogs. Effectively so I could cheat but also to allow me to keep a tight chronological order of things (I am an anal retentive, please forgive me). I figured a way I could get around this would be to post something, anything, just one word even each day, and then, if I've anything I really want to submit I can edit it later.

I also need to ensure I focus more on this blog, and less time spackering about on the surshal netwurking shites that drain the life force from me so repeatedly.

Carrying On Regardless

Well, last night, after having got home, I quickly uploaded and posted yesterday's effort typed at work and made a drop of the hat decision to go to the Beer Festival as a solo imbibementationalist. Despite my distinct lack of an accomplice in alcoholism I decided I was unable to break with tradition and so resolved to put in an appearance on festival opening night.

More to follow... the missus wants me to go and watch Dorchwood, whatever that is!

Right, where was I? Oh yes, the Beer Festival. This will take more than 200 words... ahem.

Arriving at Kings Walk I was surprised to actually have to stand in a queue for the first time I can recall on opening night. Sadly, the queue displayed a disappointing lack of cardigan bedecked, bearded, burly blokes. What's happening to the traditional Beer Festival attendees? Well, I suppose they're starting to become a bit more like me... average. Never mind, upon entering the University dungeon it was plain to see an increased 'tash count, so although it seems that facial topiary is on the wane, it is in certain circumstances merely being reduced.

This year was the first one to be held since the introduction of the nationwide indoor smoking ban. as a consequence of this, one of the first things to hit me (olfactorially speaking) was the unveiled and undeniable man muskiness, a pungent swell of men less well kept than your average modern-day metrosexual.

Aaaarrgghhh... yet more interruptions! I will get back to this soon.

Beer Today (?) Gone Tomorrow ?

Well, I have happened to stumble upon a flash drive and have decided that I will be able to put this to good use and avert a repeat of the problems that stopped my regular blogitudinalism last year. I can now cobble random strains of thought together at work on my lunch hour again, without the need to e-mail words back and forth. Huzzah!

As I type this, I am rather concerned. I am on the precipice of a personal tragedy of admittedly meagre proportions. Tonight, the opening night of the Newcastle Beer Festival may be the first time in five years that I do not attend.

It’s become somewhat of a tradition, certainly, my friend Neil and I have made every year without fail. Not so this year as he is unable to get the recovery time off from work tomorrow. I am in two minds as to whether to go or not.

It certainly won’t be much fun going on my own and if I don’t, I will be able to go for the whole afternoon tomorrow, arm myself with a newspaper and spend the day getting idly pished.

There’s always a silver lining eh?

Happy Fool's Day

Well, the training course finished at 11.30am. I managed to prolong my stay by ensuring that the already paid for sandwiches were treated as brunch and indulging in some post course waffle with the trainers and my team leader Gill. Thankfully, Gill offered me the opportunity to take the remainder of the day as flexi leave. I was quick to snap it up.

It must be difficult in these times of cynicism and apathy for media outlets to actually catch people out with "unusual news stories". However, this morning, before leaving the house I caught an article on BBC news, seemingly an advertisement for a new documentary.

Well done to them, because dressing it up with some plausible geography and "this recently discovered colony of penguins is unlike any other" had the missus hook, line and sinker. There was an "Aaaah" and a gasp of astonishment as they began to take off.

One quick look at my watch to confirm the date and a brief shaking of my head in her general direction was all it took to let her know she’d been April fooled.

I despair, I really do.

The Perils of Pedantry

I Attended a training course for work today. It wasn't too bad as far as courses go. It was in aid of the forthcoming introduction of a new data management system, so it involved a lot of practical work, i.e. spackering about with a mouse and clicking on drop down file options.

Not exactly rocket science, but nor was it a slumber inducing snore-fest, theory laden kind of day. As an added bonus, we were finished by 3pm and they're concerned we may be finished by lunchtime tomorrow. I’m concerned too, as this would then mean returning to “proper” work. Boo!

In other news. Arriving home early due to the aforementioned, I was greeted in my facebook mail account with the following:

Dont bother taking the pee out of the way I spell 'definately', people have enough in life to worry about than some random taking the piss. Hope ypu grow up soon!

I’ve much to say on this subject and may do so elsewhere. This was in response to a status update I had submitted "Definitely is spelled definitely, not definately, when will you people ever lurn?"

I’ll have to be careful with my flippancy in future I fancy.

The Aftermath

Urrrghhhh, today I am suffering with solid hangoverliness. Last night I attended my aunt and uncle's 50th Wedding anniversary. It's nice to be able to attend a family gathering for positive reason's, having spent a spell at a seemingly endless run of funerals.

I could of course make the obvious reference to prison sentences etc but that would be doing Douglas and Sheila a huge disservice. They are simply one of the loveliest couples I have ever had the good fortune to know, testament to this statement was the excellent turn out to their party, the continuously full dance floor and general all round merriment.

I spent the evening with a massive grin perma-plastered upon my dish due to the sheer joyousness of the occasion. The only downside being, that I drank more than my body is now apparently used to and spent a spell yodelling down the great white telephone. This was upsetting as I am unable to recall when last I vomited from overindulging on the old alkeehol.

Still, it does not detract from the enjoyment of last night's frivolities. Three cheers for Douglas and Sheila! Hip hip...

A Premise

A thought occurred to me this morning. I have been having problems posting stuff at "the other place" recently. I seem to have lost the confidence to regularly string my words together and put them up for public dissection as I used to do.

This in part is due to my inability to put together "showpiece material" but also out of the self conscious realisation that in reality people aren't really all that interested in the day to day stuff of an everyday idiot such as myself.

Recently it feels as though I've had more stuff published on Teletext's Planet Sound - The Void pages. The trick with submitting stuff to them is that it has to be of a musical bent and be between 80-100 words long. I have enjoyed the discipline of putting together my views on subjects, keeping them succinct whilst making them readable with my own personal slant on things.

My idea is simple. I intend to use this page as a daily diary, keeping to a 100-200 word requirement. Hopefully this will give me the discipline to sit down each day and summarise things, who knows? If I feel like it works, I may even notify people about it or indeed use it elsewhere.

I'm pretty sure no one ever looks at this page now so it will give me free reign to try this little experiment. How successful I will be, Lord only knows, this is already nearing 300 words and an average posting of mine is usually 1200 words, so to condense a week into approximately 1400 seems like quite a challenge.

If any of my regular readers happen to come across this, I hope you will enjoy what is posted, although it is likely to be tediously dull.

Luv'n'Cuddlz

The Blogtometrist xx